Day 1075

Hope is dead; so I am going home……….

Beside her I lay these words: Your life was short, your sorrow great, but your smile filled the darkest places of my hart and brought joy to my last days.

Your consolation; you can now run to a home that will never end, joy that never stops and peace is all you will know, forever more.

My consolation shall be this; our separation will be short as my days draw to a close, soon I will see all those I have loved in their true beauty as my blindness gives way to sight.

My Lord, I have screamed "WHY" until my voice was faint. Your answers never came; you left me to seek them on my own. Am I a fool to believe in you? I have walked and walked looking for some clue, some explanation. Why would a loving God allow such a world as this? The loneliness and silence was too much to bear as I continued to walk. Why did your answers never come? My wife once said as I asked “why” (during one of my pity parties); “I don’t know, but did you ever think, why not?” Should I expect nothing bad to happen because I have followed you? I have watched as everyone I have ever loved was taken away from me. I have been left to walk in this world alone, my biggest fear came true. So I feel I have the right to ask why, but you will not answer. Who am I to expect an explanation from you? Maybe the truth is my mind of flesh and blood could never understand nor comprehend you or your ways. Just as child never understands their father while they struggle to grow up, they have to leave home before they can understand its comfort and security. I guess you have to walk in darkness before you appreciate the light, you can never enjoy heaven until you have walked through hell. Maybe it’s then and only then you can go home and get the answers to the questions you buried deep as a child.

So my Father, I’m coming home............

Go to Day 1079

Day 1069

My companion and I have started walking the path of the Natchez Indians towards Mississippi. We have set up camp at an old park called Meriwether Lewis named after the fame explorer. Lewis and Clark walked this land long ago as partners in discovery just as I and my young explorer walk it today. The difference, they walked it during the birth of a nation, we walk it after its death. We now have our tent set up near the grave site of Lewis, according to the old park signs he died not far from here at a inn that use to stand close by. He was on his way to St. Louis walking this old Indian trail that was used quite a bit by the French, Spaniards and British as a route to the east. He died during his over night stay and was buried here; Clark was not with him on this trip. Over two hundred years in the past, this all happened, over a thousand years ago the Indians used this as a trade route to other indian nations. Think about that, the Indians roam and traded on this land for thousands of years. The white man comes, explorers, builds a nation, and kills off the Indians like they were a plague. And with in less than three hundred years, leaves the land in ruin. I ask you; who were the civilized and who were the savages?

As we embarked on the Trace I had found an old shopping cart that I filled with as much food and fresh boiled water as I could. I push the cart, Hope's job (as she sees it) is to ride up front and point at new discoveries. The trace is a very desolate road, one I never like to travel in a car. The main reason is you can travel twenty miles on the trace and you have seen it all. It is a flat drive with trees on each side and that is all you will see the whole 444 miles from Nashville TN. to Natchez MS.; except for the occasional Indian mound or open field. I expect this walk to be just as boring, but so far my partner has made it a little less mundane because she looks at everything as if it is brand new.

I have not been feeling very well every since we left Dickson, I thought Hope was sick, but it seems I may have a bug. My last wish would be to get sick something happen and Hope be left alone. We may rest here another day if I am not feeling better in the morning. I pray I can make it to Pontotoc and find an Amish family, if there are any left in that area. I think once I get her settled, this may be my last walk. I think I will head home and wait. I do not look forward to saying good bye to this little one who has made me smile, she has brighten my last days and I owe her so much for the happiness she has brought me. She reminds me of someone, a soul I have known before. I know I keep thinking this, but why is she so familiar to me.

Go to Day 1075